


Diary Drabbles

by nattiecake08



Category: Grantchester (TV)
Genre: Angst, Diary/Journal, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Heavy Petting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nattiecake08/pseuds/nattiecake08
Summary: Leonard gets a diary. A series of drabbles documenting his thoughts, special days etc.
Relationships: Leonard Finch/Daniel Marlowe
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I think Leonard would be the type to keep a diary - we’ve already seen that poetry is a creative outlet for him. These will be a series of drabbles, mostly taking the form of a 1st person diary entry followed by a typical 3rd person narrative - some fluffy, some angsty. I may also experiment with some streams of consciousness or poetry.
> 
> Some chapters (Chapter 3 for example) will be dated but standalone, and not necessarily form part of my ongoing canon.

My beloved Daniel bought you for my birthday. Somewhere to express my feelings, write poetry, document happy memories. 

You are exquisite, bound in dark brown leather, with front and back pages made from Italian paper, marbled blue and gold. He bought you with a matching fountain pen of swirling gilt and indigo. I am replete with love and feeling very spoiled.


	2. Lunch at the Chapmans’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Daniel go for lunch at the Chapmans’ - set after Missing Scenes Chapter 3 when Sylvia invites the pair round for Sunday lunch.

**Sunday 18th August 1957**

  
Daniel and I went for lunch at the Chapmans’ after today’s service. I’ll admit we were nervous, but it was a lovely afternoon. It felt so right, like we were a family having a normal Sunday roast. I never could have hoped for a day like today; never in my wildest dreams.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to have a loving family of my own. My heart is full with joy and gratitude.

\---

“There’s no need to be so nervous,” Leonard said gently, adjusting Daniel’s tie. “You’re dressed in your Sunday best, you’ve brought chrysanthemums. Mrs C wouldn’t have invited us if she hadn’t accepted it.”

Daniel tugged at his collar, “I know. Blimey Len, you were the one who took three tries to leave the vicarage!” he smirked playfully.

Leonard nodded jerkily, glancing towards the Chapmans’ house from behind the hedge where they loitered anxiously. Daniel squeezed his upper arm. “She loves you. Let’s go, we don’t want to be late.”

To their relief, Jack answered the door. “Hullo lads! The missus is in the kitchen,” he ushered them inside. Mrs C looked up from pouring the yorkshires into their molds, and beamed at them.

“Everything smells delicious,” Leonard started, reaching out to kiss his housekeeper on the cheek.

“Uh, thank you for having us, Mrs C,” Daniel stuttered, proffering the bouquet.

“They’re lovely, thank you Daniel,” Mrs C smiled, admiring the flowers. She kissed a surprised Daniel in greeting. “Put them in a vase for me, will you Jack? Now, you boys go sit down in the sitting room. Jack will get you a drink.”

The pair followed Jack into the hall, who raised his eyebrows at them and chuckled under his breath, “A successful initiation, I would say.”

Leonard placed his hand on the small of Daniel’s back and smiled.

“What a spread!” Daniel exclaimed as they sat for lunch, surveying the joint of beef with all the trimmings. “It’s been ages since I’ve had a proper roast. Not much point for just one person.”

Mrs C tilted her head sympathetically, cleared her throat slightly and changed the subject, “Will gave a lovely sermon, don’t you think?”

Leonard arched an eyebrow as he sat down. “I would’ve thought an exploration into the belief of reincarnation was a sacrilegious one for you, Mrs C!”

“Maybe she’s mellowing,” Jack said with a twinkle in his eye.

“I’ve no idea what you mean, I’m very open-minded,” Mrs C grumbled to herself as she plated up.

The men locked eyes in amusement but said nothing. Lunch passed in companiable chatter and some village gossip.

“Leonard’s told us that you have nieces and nephews, Daniel,” Jack said.

“Yes, my sister Tabitha has two children; Ben is eleven and Isabella is seven,” Daniel grinned proudly.

“Ben is the spit of Daniel,” Leonard beamed, “and Issy is like his little shadow, it’s so precious.”

“They’re coming to visit in a couple of weeks, and we’re taking them to see that new Disney film. What’s it called again Len?” Daniel asked.

“Perri. It’s about a squirrel,” Leonard added seriously, missing the bemused looks the others shared.

As the meal wore on, the couple finally started to relax. And if, standing up to start clearing the table, Mrs C caught a glimpse of Daniel’s hand on Leonard’s knee, Leonard’s hand clasping it in a gesture of simple affection, she certainly didn’t let on. And to her surprise and relief, she only noted how naturally tender a motion it was.

“Let me help you, Mrs C,” Leonard offered, already gathering plates, “I insist.”

“Thank you. Has everyone got room for pudding?” She asked.

“Is the Pope Catholic?” Jack laughed.

He and Daniel watched their partners leave fondly. “Today means a lot to both of us, Jack. Thank you for being so welcoming and… understanding, generally.” Daniel said carefully.

Jack waved his hand dismissively, “It’s nothing,” he assured. There was a pregnant pause as they listened to the pair nattering in the kitchen.

“Sylvia’s seen a fair few priests come and go, but Leonard, he’s different. He had no-one when he arrived. He was lonely, and they recognized that in each other, I think. They needed each other.” Jack sighed and continued, “Whatever happened when Leonard’s father left, it was like a switch had been flicked in her. And after Will’s party, do you know about the card he gave her? He said he’d had it ready to give to her on the day itself but chickened out.” 

“He told me,” Daniel smiled sadly.

“Sylvia came home and opened that Mother’s Day card. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen her cry like that. She just looked at me and said, ‘I’ve got a son’”.  
  
Daniel swallowed the lump in his throat, “It meant everything to Leonard too, I can assure you. Their falling out last year nearly destroyed him.”

“Well, we won’t let that happen again, will we?” Jack smiled as his wife reemerged, brandishing a summer pudding festooned with sprigs of bright redcurrants. Leonard followed close behind with a jug of cream, wearing a carefree countenance that made Daniel’s heart ache.

The afternoon passed in warm companionship; a hotly contested game of bridge, which Leonard and Jack finally won, copious cups of tea, and Family Favourites on the radio.

“Thank you both for a wonderful afternoon,” Leonard said on the front step, hugging Mrs C goodbye.

“And a delicious lunch,” Daniel added, pressing a kiss to her cheek and shaking Jack’s hand.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Leonard – oh, and you or Will take the milk in before it curdles, won’t you?” Mrs C reminded.

“Yes, Mrs C,” Leonard promised obligingly, suppressing a chuckle as Jack rolled his eyes behind his wife. “Good night!” he waved as they made their way down the driveway.

Jack wrapped an arm around his wife’s shoulders as they waved goodbye. “I’m proud of you,” he murmured. The housekeeper said nothing, but squeezed his hand.

“Why don’t you go have a nice soak while I get started on the washing up, hm?” he asked her, shutting the front door and locking it securely.

“I’m lucky to have you, Jack Chapman,” she replied, giving him a peck on the lips. In more ways than one, she thought to herself. As she climbed the stairs, her heart was full with the image of her Leonard heading home, no longer alone, but sharing his life with someone as he deserved.

“I feel like I’ve just woken up from a dream,” Leonard confessed as they walked through the hazy evening. “There’s this warmth spreading from my belly to my fingers and toes.”

“Well, it’s either indigestion,” Daniel grinned as Leonard nudged his shoulder playfully, “or it’s happy contentment. It suits you, sweetheart.”

Leonard smiled back. It took all he had not to kiss the other man right there in the street. He ached just to hold him and be held in return. “Can I spend the night? I don’t want to be alone,” he asked.

“You don’t have to ask, Len. Any time, day or night, you know that,” Daniel said solemnly.

Leonard stared ahead. The sun was low behind the trees, glittering off the Cam; two swans glided idly past as the crickets chirped. The path home was as clear as the future was promising.

“I just hope Will remembers to fetch the milk in,” Leonard snickered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just have so many Leonard / Mrs C feels! Hoping for more fluff in series 6 🤞🏻 I feel that Leonard really values these everyday moments, the poor baby just craves family.


	3. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard gets some suspicious bruises, and Daniel and Will start to suspect each other. All hell breaks loose. 
> 
> Trigger warning: references to and accusations of domestic abuse, references to self harm, swearing.

**_ Thursday 3rd October 1957 _ **

Someone must have tracked some mud into the church today. I slipped in a puddle whilst putting out the hymn books and landed face-first right on the end baluster of the pew. I’m afraid it’s going to develop into a nasty black eye by tomorrow, it’s very tender and sore.

—-

“What on earth happened to you?” Will asked as he sat down at the breakfast table.

“I slipped on some mud in the church,” Leonard explained matter-of-factly. 

“And fell right on your eye?” Will asked, a little dubiously, over his cup.

“You know what I’m like,” Leonard shrugged as he took a bite of toast.

“I really do wish you’d be more careful, clumsy boy,” Mrs C fussed as she served him another fried egg. “Don’t forget to put some more arnica cream on it,” she added, patting his shoulder.

Will remained quiet but Leonard felt a little uneasy that he didn’t seem to believe him.

Leonard braced himself before Daniel was even through the vicarage door. 

“Christ Leonard, what the hell happened?” Daniel started, closing the gap between them and taking him by the arms. “Was it Will again? I’ll kill him, I’ll fucking kill him -“ he roared.

Leonard put a hand to his chest. “No! Daniel, Daniel look at me!” he shouted, guiding his cheek so he was looking at him instead of searching the room wildly for a weapon.

“I fell. I fell on some mud in the church and hit my face on a pew. I was completely alone. It had nothing to do with Will; of course he didn’t. You think if he touched me, I wouldn’t have been straight round to you, love?” he asked desperately.

Daniel took a deep breath, arms falling numbly to his sides. “I’m sorry. It’s just after that time he hit you, I...” he stuttered. 

“It’s fine, I understand,” Leonard replied. In all honesty, that fierce protective streak made him feel safe, treasured, loved.

Daniel raised his hand, fingers brushing the contour of Leonard’s cheek ever so gently under the lurid bruise, still red but beginning to be tinged with purplish-blues.

“Do you believe me?” Leonard worried.

“Of course I do. Oh Len, that looks so sore. Let’s get you a nice cup of sugary tea,” Daniel smiled, taking him by the hand.

—-

**_ Wednesday 9th October 1957 _ **

I had a scare today; Dickens caught sight of a squirrel and went berserk, trying to run across the road into oncoming cars. I managed to restrain him on the lead but it really hurt my wrist. I hope it doesn’t leave a bruise or I’ll get more bloody questions.

—-

Will caught sight of the ring of yellow-green bruises around Leonard’s wrist when his cassock slips back as he’s giving out sacrament at Sunday’s service.

He brought it up when they’re de-robing in the vestry. “What’s that on your arm?” he asked, trying to keep his voice light.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Leonard replied, instinctively pulling his sleeves down.

“Let me see,” Will persisted, facing the curate. Leonard offered his scarred wrist.

“The other hand, Leonard,” Will ordered.

Leonard sighed, thrusting his wrist under the priest’s gaze. “Dickens nearly ran in front of a car chasing a squirrel last week. I had to use all my power to hold him back.”

“If that’s true, why did you lie?” Will asked, eyebrows knitted together in suspicion.

“I just thought it was easier than trying to explain,” Leonard replied truthfully.

“The problem is, Leonard, I still think you’re lying,” Will said. He blocked Leonard’s path to the door. “That bruise is in a perfect circle around your wrist, just like it would be if someone had restrained you.”

“That’s how a loop of leather works on a leash,” Leonard argued, voice rising. “And what exactly are you insinuating, anyway?”

Will reached out to clasp Leonard’s shoulder and tried another tack. “Look, I know we didn’t get off to the best start. But I like to think that we’re more than just colleagues now; that we’re friends, brothers even. I’m here for you. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth.”

“I am telling you the truth!” Leonard shouted. “You’re the one that hit me last year, remember?”

Will flinched, swallowing hard. “I know,” he whispered, staring at the floor. “I can never say sorry enough. I also know what it’s like to have anger issues. We can get Daniel help-“

“Don’t you bloody dare! How dare you, how dare you accuse Daniel of something so awful!” Leonard yelled. “He would never, ever hurt me. He loves me!”

“I’ve seen women with bruises like that before, my own mother for one. It’s an intimate mark, and between that and your black eye…” Will retorted.

“Do you think I’m some battered wife? Do you know how insulting that is?” Leonard asked incredulously. He lowered his voice furtively, “Or how offensive, to think that two men can’t have a loving relationship without being _violent_? I’d expect that attitude from many people, but not you, Will!” he spat.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Leonard. This is not your fault,” Will said.

“I’m very sorry for what happened in your past, Will. But I had a difficult childhood too. And I still try to see the best in people, to have _faith_ ,” Leonard cried in exasperation, storming past the priest.

“Why are you moping? Some girl giving you the runaround?” Geordie asked in the pub, handing Will a pint.

“I’m worried about Leonard,” Will replied. He glanced around for nosy ears, then continued, “He had a black eye last week, claimed he slipped in the church. And this morning he had bruises encircling his arm, like someone was holding him too tightly, made some excuse about Dickens pulling on the lead.”

Geordie gazed at him intently, and lowered his drink deliberately. “What’re you saying, Will?”

“I think Daniel’s abusing him.” Will answered curtly.

“No. There’s no way.” Geordie replied.

“He tried to hide it, Geordie!” Will said.

“Listen, we looked into Daniel’s past when he was involved in that sorry Abigail Redmond affair. He’d bought his way out of arrests before, but they were for cottaging, gross indecency – never an assault, never anything violent.” Geordie explained.

Will rubbed at his temple. “Don’t you see, none of those men, no boyfriend would ever report if he had hurt them – they’d be signing their own arrest warrant!”

“I’ve known Leonard for several years now. Since he and Daniel have _been an item_ , he’s never been happier.” Geordie said.

“I thought you were more cynical than me, Geordie. It’s no-one at the vicarage, who else could it be?” Will demanded.

“And I told you to stop projecting your father’s crimes onto others.” Geordie sighed. “Look, I know you wouldn’t throw this accusation around lightly. I’ll talk to him, okay?”

“Thank you. That’s all I ask,” Will said.

Leonard was trying to concentrate on his clerical correspondence, but all he could think about was yesterday. How could Will think something so despicable? He was snapped out of his musing with a knock on the study door.

“Afternoon, Leonard,” Geordie said, hand raised in greeting.

“Hullo Geordie. Need any literary help with a case?” he asked hopefully.

“Uh, nothing like that, thanks.” Geordie answered, shutting the door behind him and pulling up a chair.

Leonard narrowed his eyes. _Of course_. “Will sent you, didn’t he?”

“He’s just worried about you,” Geordie said.

“He needn’t be.” Leonard shot back.

“You know you can tell me anything, Leonard.” Geordie said gently. “We’re like family now, aren’t we? If Daniel _did_ do something, we can sort it out without you getting in trouble.”

“Is that what you think two men do together?” Leonard asked coldly.

“I never said that,” Geordie replied calmly.

“Daniel has never laid a finger on me. And he never will.” Leonard said, holding firm under the blue eyes boring into him.

“Okay,” Geordie said, nodding. “If it’s Will, I’ll deal with it. Doesn’t matter that we’re mates, I’ll believe you. I won’t stand for it,” he added sincerely.

“It wasn’t Will. Yes, he hit me last year, in a moment of intense grief. But we’re past that now. I don’t feel anything but safe around him.” Leonard replied.

“You’re not – you’re not hurting yourself, again, are you?” Geordie asked carefully.

“Goodness, no! I promised Sidney I would never do anything like _that_ again. I don’t want to now – I’m happy. I slipped, and Dickens yanked my arm. That’s it.” He met Geordie’s gaze. “You once told me I was a terrible liar, but brilliant at telling the truth. Which am I doing now, detective?”

“I believe you, Leonard. Look, I’ll tell Will to back off, okay?” Geordie offered.

Leonard finally allowed himself a smile. “Thanks, Geordie. This means a lot.”

Geordie reported back to Will, who reluctantly accepted the detective’s opinion, but vowed to himself to keep an eye on his curate.

“I missed you while you were in London,” Leonard gasped against Daniel’s shoulder.

“How much?” Daniel prompted, unbuttoning Leonard’s trousers while he kissed him hungrily.

“So much,” Leonard said, back against Daniel’s headboard, legs wrapped around his waist.

“How much?” Daniel grinned against his lips.

“This much,” Leonard drawled, pulling his lover down on top of him and kissing him deeper, tongue ever deeper, bare chests pressed together and hips bucking in rhythmic harmony.

They pulled apart reluctantly for air. Daniel gazed down at him adoringly, making his stomach flip. “I missed you too, precious,” he murmured. He pushed his wrists into the pillow as he leant down for another kiss, only to bolt backwards and stop dead in his tracks as Leonard winced in discomfort.

“Shit, shit. Oh god, Leonard, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry, darling, oh god,” he stammered.

Leonard’s mouth fell open in horror. “No, no, no, I’m fine Daniel, it’s nothing you’ve done. Oh my goodness, sweetheart, you’ve never hurt me!”

Daniel was cradling his left wrist gently in his hands now, and Leonard was reminded of that moment in the vestry when he had first seen his scars and kissed them. He had known then that he loved the other man and there was no going back.

“Who made this bruise, Leonard?” Daniel eventually asked in a strangled voice.

“Dickens, pulling on his lead,” Leonard said, keeping his voice even despite the panic rising in his chest.

“Do you expect me to believe that?” Daniel said calmly. 

“Yes, because it’s the truth,” Leonard said, shaking his head in confusion.

“I gave you the benefit of the doubt about the black eye, because I trust you. But this,” he stood up, and began pacing the bedroom fretfully. “Will’s a boxer. He’s a lot stronger than you, love-“

“Oh, thank you very much!” Leonard retorted, face flushed with offence. “I’m still a man, I could still put up a fight! And do you think I’m that weak, that I would stay somewhere where I was being treated like that?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re too immersed in the situation to see what’s happening. For god’s sake, he’s hit you before!” Daniel shouted.

“That was a mistake, and _you_ were the one who encouraged me to forgive him!” Leonard exclaimed.

“Yes, because I thought it was a terrible one-off! I’m not leaving you in that house for a moment longer with that fucking bully!” Daniel growled.

“Will’s a man of God!” Leonard yelled.

“Oh, like that’s ever stopped anyone from being rotten to the core?” Daniel snapped.

Leonard stared at him, open-mouthed. “I don’t need this,” he said finally, scrambling to get dressed.

Daniel rushed to him, cupping his cheek in his hand. “I’m sorry, Len. I love you. I love you so much, I’d die before I let anyone hurt you,” he said, blinking back tears.

“You _love_ me, but you don’t _respect_ me,” Leonard replied in a small voice, nodding to himself and shoving Daniel’s hand away, eyes shining.

“Of course I do!” Daniel cried.

“Not enough to believe me!” Leonard screamed.

Daniel dropped to his knees, saying in a wavering tone, “I’ve been there. I know what another man’s fingers around your arm look like. What they feel like.”

Leonard’s resolve disintegrated. He joined Daniel on the carpeted floor, taking his hand and placing his wrist in his palm. “See? No fingertip marks,” he said, voice breaking. “Just the smooth line of the lead. It kills me, what you went through. I would do anything to erase those memories for you, Daniel. Pray away every tear in your heart. But this was innocent.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to Daniel’s forehead, allowing the other man to wrap his arms around him and bury his face in his chest as his sniffles subsided. He shut his eyes, chin atop Daniel’s silky hair. _What do we have if we don’t have trust?_

Leonard watched the tea-sodden digestive collapse into the cooling liquid, queasiness pooling in the pit of his stomach.

He didn’t notice Mrs C untie her apron and sit down next to him, until her hand was on his arm, and she was asking him what was wrong in her kindest voice that she reserved for the rarest of occasions.

That was enough for his flimsy barriers to break, and he was in her warm arms, sobbing until he couldn’t breathe. He hiccupped his way through the story.

“Oh, my sweet boy. How awful for you, to have everyone accuse you of lying and thinking such wicked things of each other,” Mrs C cooed.

Leonard drew back, guard already building back up. “You don’t think it was ‘that man’”? he quoted softly.

“No, I do not!” Mrs C replied, voice marred a little with hurt and shame at the memory. “I know love when I see it,” she continued.

“I know how happy Daniel makes you, and I see how he looks at you. He wouldn’t hurt you,” she said resolutely, and Leonard couldn’t love the housekeeper any more than in that moment.

“And I know it’s not Will. He’s a good boy, whatever difficulties he’s had.” Mrs C added, inspecting his icy cup.

“At least you and Geordie believe me,” Leonard said with a watery smile.

“Don’t you worry on it. If they give you any more trouble, you tell me and I’ll knock their silly heads together!” she tittered. “I’ll make you a fresh cup of tea.”

Geordie was heading out the door of the police station when he ran into a flustered-looking Daniel.

“Daniel! Is everything okay?” Geordie asked.

“I was hoping I could have a private word, please, Detective Keating?” Daniel asked, eyes flitting nervously to the building behind them.

“Sure, why don’t we talk in my car?” Geordie offered, guiding the relieved man down the steps. “And I’ve told you, you can call me Geordie, you know,” he said, earning a smile from the other man.

When they were safely in the quiet of the car, Geordie turned to Daniel. “Is this about Leonard’s accidents?” he asked squarely.

Daniel nodded, “I don’t think they’re accidents. I think Will’s behind it,” he said nervously.

“Will thinks it’s you,” Geordie said matter-of-factly.

“And you don’t?” Daniel asked in surprise.

“No. There’s a lot I don’t claim to _understand_ , but I do understand how happy you make each other, how much you care for each other.” Geordie replied.

Daniel blinked at him gratefully.

“I also know Leonard, and he’s telling the truth about this, Daniel.” Geordie said.

“I know Will is your friend, but-“ Daniel started.

Geordie threw his hands up, “That’s got nothing to do with it, I assure you. I wouldn’t let that cloud my professional judgement. I could see how concerned Will was. I understand that you’re both looking for someone to blame, you’ve both had pasts. When Davy was ill, I wanted to blame the world. But you’re both seeing patterns that aren’t there.” Geordie finished.

Daniel nodded reluctantly. “If anything else happens-“ he began.

“We’ll talk again,” Geordie offered.

“Thanks, Detect- Geordie,” Daniel grinned, reaching for the door handle.

—-

**_ Monday 21st October 1957 _ **

I’ve just got back from Daniel’s; he hasn’t been round to the vicarage in weeks. Things are still a bit tense between us all. I can see Will checking me over for marks whenever I get back – luckily he was already in bed tonight.

 _Why won’t they listen?_ What am I supposed to do if the people I share my life with don’t trust each other, nor me for that matter?

—-

Leonard shut his diary and stormed downstairs to make a cup of tea.

 _He’d had enough trauma in his life without people imagining more._ He scowled, slamming the cutlery drawer shut, onto his middle and index finger. He hopped around in pain, struggling not to shout out and wake Will. Unfortunately, this caused him to stub his little toe on the sideboard, in turn causing him to flail his arm right into the steam of the hissing kettle.

Leonard yelped, clutching at his scalded hand. He ran it under the cold tap, ignoring the stinging in his eyes and throbbing from his other hand.

Dickens stalked in, growling, looking for the cause of the disturbance. “It’s okay, buddy,” Leonard comforted, bending down to pat the Labrador with his good hand. “I think this will cause trouble though, huh boy?”

After some deliberation, he decided to bandage his fingers; either that or have the nails get progressively bluer. He crawled into bed with trepidation for the day ahead.

It took all of a minute for Will’s eyes to zero in on his bandaged fingers and burnt hand at the breakfast table.

“So, Leonard, I suppose you tripped over Dickens into the oven last night?” he asked sarcastically.

Mrs C came bustling over then with a bowl of porridge and said definitively, “He shut his hand in a drawer, and burnt the other with the kettle.”

“My mum said that once, even after I’d seen my father shut her hand in the door. And burn her with an iron; I think her excuse that time was forgetting the bathwater!” Will shouted.

They both started as Leonard’s chair clattered backwards, and he was gone.

“You won’t believe what Will’s saying now,” Leonard started as soon as Daniel opened his front door.

He watched the colour drain from Daniel’s face as he stared at him, mouth slack, eyes fixed on his bandaged fingers and the reddened back of his hand which was beginning to blister. Before he could say another word, Daniel was shrugging into his camel overcoat and beating the path to the vicarage.

_Shit._

Leonard scrambled after him, frantically assuring him that this was an accident, and that Will hadn’t touched him, and _Daniel will you just listen!_

Mrs C answered Daniel’s violent knocking at the door to shouts of “Where is the bastard?”

“Daniel, please!” Leonard cried. Then Will appeared, and what followed seemed to Leonard to be in slow motion, like he was watching the situation from above.

They both launched at each other, only narrowly missing coming to blows when Leonard placed himself between the fractious pair, holding Daniel back as Mrs C tried to drag Will away.

“Stop it right now, the pair of you!” she ordered shrilly, as Dickens growled from the stairs. “What on earth has gotten into you, behaving like low-life thugs?” she demanded.

Leonard dashed at his eyes furiously, feeling incredibly self-conscious that his frustration had given way to tears. “Why won’t anyone listen to me?” he shrieked. 

Daniel tried to reach out for him, but Leonard snapped fiercely, “Don’t touch me!” He stared wildly at all three of them, “And don’t follow me!” Then he turned on his heel and fled.

The door banged in front of them. Mrs C turned to the two men, breathing heavily in front of her. “You blithering idiots!” she scowled, slapping them both on the arms.

“I’ll go after him,” Will suggested, but Mrs C rounded on him, finger pointed, “You give that poor boy some space. I can’t even look at you,” she said, shaking her head in disappointment and stalking out of the hall.

Minutes trickled into hours. The church bell had just chimed for four o’clock and no-one had seen or heard from Leonard in nearly seven hours.

“It’ll be getting dark in a couple of hours,” Daniel fretted. They had checked his cottage, the vicarage, the church, most places in the village and the meadows – even the bus stop.

“I’m calling Geordie, see if he’s heard from him,” Will said grimly.

“He didn’t take anything with him, he won’t be able to get very far,” Daniel said, eyes wide and shining. “What if something’s happened to him?”

“He’ll be home soon,” Mrs C said, more to reassure herself than anything. “Or I’m holding the two of you personally responsible!”

Geordie was at the vicarage within twenty minutes. “You really are idiots, aren’t you?” he hissed. “You both came to me with your concerns, why would either have you done that if you were responsible?”

“To cover our tracks,” Will mumbled to himself.

“To get our mate on side,” Daniel shot back.

“Hey! Stop that now! Pull yourselves together, now is not the time to have a go at each other!” Geordie demanded. “You both spend a lot more time living with him than I do, and even I know how bloody clumsy he is! Did he never tell you about the time he almost knocked himself out running to call the fire brigade?”

“I remember,” Mrs C said. “And I know for a fact that he was in such a state last night because of the pair of you fighting, and refusing to trust him!”

“The most honest man I know!” Geordie added.

Will stared at the floor shamefacedly. Daniel wrang his hands, thoroughly crestfallen.

Esme popped her head round the door, looking at her father expectantly.

“Uh, I’m sorry love, I think our cinema date will have to wait.” Geordie said.

“That’s okay, Dad. I want to help look for Leonard,” Esme smiled.

The group spilled out onto the street. “Daniel, you check the meadows and your house again. Will, check the church. I’ll search the village. Mrs C, stay here in case he comes back.” Geordie instructed.

Esme looked around, wracking her brain for where she would want to hide in an argument. She glanced upwards. The church tower.

“Do you have the keys for the bell tower?” Esme asked Will as she followed him into the church.

“I don’t think Leonard’s up there,” he smiled kindly as Esme suppressed an eye-roll.

“Can I check anyway?” she insisted.

“Of course, but be careful, the steps are awfully steep and narrow.” Will said. “Oh, the key’s gone,” he commented dumbly as he looked at the empty hook.

Esme beamed proudly. “I’ll go talk to him,” she said, already bounding over to the bottom of the staircase.

Leonard glanced up at the sound of school shoes squeaking on stone steps. He was sat at the top of the stairs, back against the doorway to the roof, head resting on the cold wall.

“Esme! What are you doing up here?” he asked in surprise.

“Well, I was _supposed_ to be going to the pictures with Dad. Everyone is _very_ worried about you, you know!” she chided gently, ponytail swishing with each emphasis. She plopped down a few steps below the curate.

“Oh, lovely, please don’t miss out on my account. You can tell your Dad I’m fine,” Leonard objected.

Esme grinned, “It’s okay. We’ll go tomorrow. Besides, _I_ want to be the one who brings you back.” Her face fell a little bit. “Are you alright?”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about,” Leonard assured her.

“Why are you hiding?” she asked.

He sighed, picking at a crumbling spot in the masonry with his fingernail. “It’s adult problems, Esme.”

“I’m nearly _fourteen_ , you know!” she said, a little miffed.

“Of course, you are _awfully_ grown up, silly me!” he said, suppressing a laugh. He studied her carefully, then continued, “I had a couple of accidents, and Will and Daniel… they think the other caused the bruises.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Esme said, shaking her head. “We all know how clumsy you are!”

“Hey!” Leonard grinned.

Esme toyed with the skirt of her school uniform. “When Davey was ill, Mum and Dad blamed each other, the doctors, everything. It’s only because they care so much about you,” she said.

“I know, sweetheart. But accusations like that are very serious, and it hurts that they would believe each other capable of that. It also hurts that they won’t trust me enough to believe what I tell them.” Leonard explained.

“I understand. I overheard Dad telling Mum that Daniel came to talk to him at the police station – and, well, I think that was very brave of him. He obviously loves you very much,” Esme said. “And Mum said he and Will just think the worst because of what they’ve both been through.”

Leonard smiled despite himself. “You really _are_ awfully grown up, aren’t you? You’re a very wise and thoughtful young lady, Esme.”

Esme lit up with the praise and reached to gingerly squeeze her friend’s hand below his bandages.

Will had rounded up the search party, who were huddled on the grass outside the church under gathering clouds.

“She broke Ivy’s toy once, and we found her hidden in the airing cupboard,” Geordie laughed. “Trust a child to think of such a hard to reach hiding place.”

“I know the pair of you have been through horrid things in the past,” Mrs C said to Will and Daniel. “But Leonard has also suffered terribly, what with his mother dying, his father and… other things,” she swallowed roughly. “But he still sees the good in people, and tries to believe what they say,” she chastised pointedly. “And that shows the greatest strength, to go through hardship but still remain optimistic and have faith. You both should think on that.”

Leonard and Esme peered through the narrow window of the tower at the group below.

Daniel pulled his hand out of his pocket and offered it to Will. “I’m sorry, Will.”

Will shook it firmly. “I’m sorry too. Really I am.”

“We need to make it to up him,” Daniel sighed.

“Yes, you do,” Geordie said firmly.

“Are you ready?” Esme asked. Leonard nodded, and allowed the young girl to lead him outside.

Daniel was at his side in an instant, face etched with guilt and relief. “God, I was so worried, Len.” Leonard allowed himself to be pulled into a tight hug. “I’m sorry. Things will change, I promise,” Daniel choked. He pulled back self-consciously, and then Will was apologizing, an arm thrown around Leonard’s shoulders.

“You must be absolutely parched,” Mrs C tutted. “And starving. You know how you get when you skip lunch,” she fussed. “Let’s all sit down and have a nice cup of tea and some cake.”

“So, are you going to follow in your old man’s footsteps and become a copper, then?” Geordie asked his daughter proudly as they followed behind the group.

“No, Daddy, I’m going to be a lawyer,” Esme replied primly.

“Uh, that’s great,” Geordie swallowed nervously.

The sun fought to escape through the dark storm clouds, illuminating the tops of the trees. Leonard shivered upon walking into the warmth of the vicarage, and he could feel the fear and hurt start to thaw just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, we all know how clumsy Leonard can be. Unfortunately, Will can sometimes jump to the worst possible conclusion. And Daniel has already seen what Will can do in a temper...  
> I couldn't shake this idea, and started to explore what it would mean to Leonard to not be believed, and to have two of the people in his life warring. 
> 
> I also believe that some of Daniel's previous relationships and hookups weren't exactly healthy, and that some were violent.  
> So all three of our babies have had shitty pasts, but Leonard still tries to see the best in people, bless his heart.
> 
> We know Will’s got a temper and a keen sense of justice, and Daniel would die to protect Leonard, so I felt them going for each other was conceivable.
> 
> I thought it would be interesting if Geordie and Mrs C, perhaps the two most bigoted (at times) of the central characters, actually believed Leonard. They've seen the difference Daniel has made in Leonard's life. 
> 
> Also, I think Leonard and Esme have a lovely, special bond.
> 
> I’m in law, so had to have a little in-joke about our unpopular profession...
> 
> This turned into quite a doozy, so I hope it's in character, and I hope it's good. 
> 
> Love <3


	4. Divine light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard reflects on how Daniel saved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonard expresses his feelings in his diary, in a stream of consciousness.
> 
> Leonard himself said that Daniel was the light in his life, who made all the darkness go away. I wanted to play with light imagery and the religious aspect of that.

Darkness. Swirling, stifling, silent. A deafening cacophony rising up from the murky depths of my muddled mind, burning behind the eyes.

A blinding light pierces its way through the darkness, guiding me like the lifeline that is a lighthouse’s beam across stormy seas. Salvation.

One man. One man was able to cut through and save my damned soul like no one else, like no amount of reflective prayer ever could.

I swear to heaven above, that first, sacred kiss, I heard an angelic chorus somewhere in the woozy night.

 _La petite mort_.

Lifted out of my body on waves of pleasure the first time he made love to me, lifted to heavenly heights of ecstasy, lifted ever upwards out of the mire by God’s grace and by the grace of one lovely man.

Little acts of worship; coming downstairs after one of those first nights we spent together to find him plating me up a bacon sandwich, the sunny, seraphic smile that split his face when he saw me, the whispered promises of devotion as I left.

He takes my hand and guides me into the celestial light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> La Petite Mort - the idea that an orgasm can be like a near death experience.
> 
> This was a personal one for me, adapted from my own notes. I’m still stuck in the first paragraph, and hoping that someday, someone will save me.


End file.
